The other Monday I got a phone call from a groom, getting married that Friday. Was it possible to get a ketubah to him in time? (Yes, but there’s a rush fee.)

And oh, by the way, could you possibly add some animal illustrations? (Um.. What did you have in mind?)

Well, an elephant. And a monkey. And a Himalayan cat, a Russian Blue cat and a black and white Shih-Tzu.

I was up to the challenge, and 24 hours later their customized ketubah was wending its way across the country.

This, dear reader, is what emerged (the main artwork, my Spiral of Life ketubah, was done already; the additions are the animal illustrations in the captions):

My Spiral of Life ketubah print, with custom animal illustrations

And detail shots:

Shih Tzu and Himalayan cat

Russian Blue cat

Monkey

Elephant

Thanks to the wonder that is Photoshop I was able to paint the animals, scan them, and add them to the existing artwork so that the piece looks like it was all created at once. (I especially love the monkey’s tail curling around the vine.)

Let me know what you think!

Interested in your own customized ketubah? Just email or call me at 866-KETUBOT (866-538-8268) and I’d be happy to discuss possibilities.

I’m always delighted when my ketubah clients send me photos of their ketubah, but the other day I got a very special treat.

Lauren and Jeffrey ordered my Windows to the Soul egalitarian ketubah in Seaglass for their August wedding a year ago. Lauren’s mom is an artist herself, and she hand-made a marvelous frame to coordinate with the “tile” design of the ketubah. I could not wait to see the finished product!

My wish was granted not long ago, when Lauren sent pictures of the framed ketubah. Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

(I wonder if Lauren’s mom is interested in going into the ketubah framing business?)

Do you have a special frame treatment for your Ketubahworks ketubah? Send it my way and I’ll post it here!

I’ve been creating anniversary ketubot since I first started as a ketubah artist. My most recent one, though, was particularly special, because it was for my own parents’ 50th anniversary!

Imagine: 50 years together! And they’re still in love.

My parents are my heroes.

The ketubah was actually a gift from my mom’s sister, my Aunt Nancy, and her entire family – kids, grandkids and great-grandkids – and Nancy’s special request was to include all of their names on the ketubah.

The only catch: the ketubah was a surprise, so my job was to sleuth around and find out which design my parents liked best! Hmmm… How to do this? At dinner with my parents and a cousin one night, I pretended to be conducting an informal poll of family and friends to find out which ketubah I should feature on my home page.

Sneaky!

My mom said of course I should put my best seller on the home page, but I said I was curious what her favorite was. Without hesitation she said “Oh, Spiral of Life, definitely. But your dad won’t like that one.”

“Dad?” I asked, “which one is your favorite?”

Surprisingly (and thankfully), Spiral of Life was his favorite too!

A few weeks later, while giving a presentation to my synagogue about the art and history of the ketubah, I happened to hold up a copy of my Spiral of Life ketubah. My mom said again “Oh, that one’s my favorite.” But then she said that she wasn’t crazy about the colors!

Yikes!

Time to do some custom colorization magic in Photoshop!

I had the ketubah framed, and Nancy and I managed to keep it secret for months. Last Sunday her whole family presented the ketubah to my astonished parents. They loved it!

Next up: pics of the special handmade book I made as my gift from me and my brother and sister-in-law. Plus pics of the invitations I designed especially for the anniversary party.

Internet connections can lead to wonderful things.

C. Robin Janning stumbled across my work recently, and was so struck by a piece of mine that she asked my permission to feature it on Episcopal Cafe.

Um, no brainer!

Be sure to read Robin’s lovely post, Art as Courage, Promise and World-View, which features several views of the piece. You can also see images on the Episcopal Cafe home page.

I must admit it’s a little… amusing to see this Jewish girl’s work on the home page above the title “Christ reigns.” But hey, one of the most fun art directors I ever worked with was at an evangelical publishing company that commissioned me to create a ketubah for one of their book covers.

Yes, I designed the whole kit and caboodle, including the hand-lettered title, and chapter titles throughout the book.

Notice the cross at the bottom of the paper cut. The irony of this job is that the only reason I accepted the project (for significantly less than what I would normally charge), was because the contract gave me the rights to reproduce it for my own use. I planned to create a ketubah print from the finished artwork.

It didn’t occur to me to insist on veto power over the imagery included in the design.

Needless to say, a ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) with a cross in it is a bit of a hard-sell. Though I suppose there’s probably a market with the Jews for Jesus.

Maybe someday I’ll redo the paper cut without the cross. (On my mile-long list of things to do…)

One of my pet issues is archival materials and practices. When I’m making a ketubah or other work of art that people will cherish for their entire lives, it’s important to me to know that it’s going to last!

Whether the ketubah is an original commission or a fine art print, I start off with the highest quality, 100% cotton watercolor paper. I carefully select the most lightfast paints, and I print with the most lightfast inks I can get.

Even so, it’s important to remember that a work of art is a lot like a human being: it ages over time. The best defense is a good offense, which includes top-notch conservation framing materials and techniques, and displaying the art away from direct sunlight, and in an environment where it will not be subject to fluctuations of temperature and humidity (ie, preferably on an inside wall, away from kitchens, bathrooms, fireplaces and heating ducts).

When you get your ketubah framed, make sure your framer is conversant with conservation materials and techniques. Here’s an article from the Art/Framing Forum at Creativeshake.com. Although this info is more technical than most laypeople will need, you can print it out and bring it to your framer to make sure s/he uses the techniques and materials mentioned here.

I hope you find it useful!

———————————

	In recognition of this document”s high personal value (and in some cases, monetary value as well), I suggest using only the finest preservation-grade materials and methods to frame it. First, for the matting and mounting, use alpha cellulose boards (made of purified pulp or cotton linters), lignin-free and buffered. If you cover the mats with fabric, make sure the fabric and adhesive are chemically stable. Buy the fabric from an established framing-fabric source, and use starch paste or acrylic medium for its adhesive. Float mount the Ketubah by Japanese paper hinges & starch paste to a slightly undersized 4-ply or 8-ply mounting board. Then attach that assembly to the surface of a sturdy, reinforced background. For reinforcement, use alphacellulose board layers or fluted polypropylene (Archival Coroplast, marketed through Bainbridge distributors). I suggest not using foam center board in the frame package, due to the possibility of offgassing from the styrene core, even though a high quality paper covering would not be an issue. Mats, with windows cut larger than the artwork, may be elevated to provide an air space of at least 1/8″ between the art and the glazing. That way, the background mat color would be visible, recessed between the edges of the Ketubah and the window mat. For the glazing, use only 99% UV-filtering glass or 98% UV filtering acrylic. For the best appearance, use optically coated glazing, such as Museum Glass or Museum Optium Acrylic. Be sure to fit the frame with sufficient tolerance to enable all materials inside to expand and contract freely. Fill the frame”s rabbet depth with insulating filler board layers and install a tight-fitting, sturdy dustcover. Use a two-point hanging system. If a wire is to be used, be sure to provide two wall hooks, and make the wire long enough to depart the frame at angles of at least 60-degrees from vertical. The closer to vertical the wire departs the frame, the less stress would be imposed on the frame assembly over time. E-mail: artframe@att.net
	posted 4/13/2010 4:50:00 PM by Jim Miller

What a treat to find my article, Variations on Modern Ketubah Texts: Reform/Egalitarian, Interfaith and Same Sex Wording, on 10,000 Couples!

10,000 Couples was created in October 2009 “as an online magazine dedicated to celebrating, affirming, and strengthening the commitment of gay and lesbian couples to one another and to their relationships. From that first encounter with ‘the one’ to child-proofing your kitchen right through to financing your retirement, we strive to give each matter the seriousness and the humor you deserve.”

I’m so honored that the editors selected my article for publication.

I love making ketubot, invitations, chuppah canopies and other artwork to celebrate gay and lesbian unions. Of course, I love all of my clients, but my gay and lesbian couples get hit with so much prejudice that when they encounter someone who supports them, they practically glow with appreciation!

It just makes me feel all warm and gooey inside!

As a way to ease the challenging process of planning a wedding in a world that doesn’t always support it, I offer a special discount for same gender couples.

If you know of any other great same gender resources, please let me know!

Holy moly, it’s been ages since I’ve posted here. I’ve been so jazzed about working on my new blogs, The Dating Queen, and Living A Creative Life, and creating my new Zazzle shop, that KetubahDiva has gotten short shrift.

This is one of the challenges of being a Renaissance woman! Sigh…

While I’ve been neglecting KetubahDiva, however, I’ve been pouring tons of time and attention at these new outlets. I made a commitment to myself to spend more time actively creating, I’ve been actively creating, and it has been great! (See my first post on LACL for more details…)

Yes, it’s impossible to do everything all the time, so some things inevitably take a back seat sometimes.

Now that news is out of the way, here are a few things I’ve been working on.

See two new pieces, and cool stuff I’ve created from them, on my Zazzle shop:

(Love that nifty widget!)

And check out this cool commission for a ketubah, based on an antique ketubah from Modena Italy c. 1831:

You can see the original that this one is based on here.

The especially cool thing about this design is that, thanks to my special fonts, digitized from my calligraphy, I was able to do the entire thing digitally, which saved me lots of time and the clients lots of money. Plus, now I’ve got a new ketubah print to offer for sale on Ketubahworks! Watch for it there soon.

I’m rarin’ to go on several more designs for the line in my Zazzle shop, but alas, other deadlines must be attended to first, so off I go.

]]> http://www.ketubahworks.com/blog/2010/03/23/new-work-blogs-art-and-a-ketubah/feed/ 0 http://www.ketubahworks.com/blog/2010/01/21/just-who-is-lieberman-and-what-is-his-clause-the-conservative-ketubah-text-explained/ http://www.ketubahworks.com/blog/2010/01/21/just-who-is-lieberman-and-what-is-his-clause-the-conservative-ketubah-text-explained/#comments Thu, 21 Jan 2010 19:19:51 +0000 thediva http://www.ketubahworks.com/blog/?p=489

If you’re having a Jewish wedding and your officiating rabbi is affiliated with the Conservative movement, he or she will most likely require that your ketubah have something called the Lieberman Clause. You’ll probably find some ketubah artists and stores offer what they call the “Conservative” text, and some offer “Conservative with Lieberman” (or “Conservative w/Lieb.”) What does it all mean, you wonder?

A Little Historical Background

The ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, was developed about 2,500 years ago as an attempt to protect women from being left without resources if their husband should die or divorce them. The traditional wording, written in Aramaic (the colloquial and legal form of Hebrew back in those days), is nothing more than a prenuptial agreement, specifying the (mostly financial) obligations of the groom toward his bride.

Largely codified in the Middle Ages, this same Aramaic wording is still in use by the Orthodox Jewish community to this day. If a couple is having a wedding officiated by an Orthodox rabbi, he will absolutely require this traditional Aramaic text in order for the wedding to be valid.

Side Note: The Problem of the Agunah, or Chained Woman

According to Jewish law, in order for a divorce to be effective, a man must grant his wife a get (a Jewish bill of divorce) of his own free will. Without a get (or a heter aguna – permission by a halachic authority based on a decision that her husband is presumed dead), a woman is not permitted to remarry, and any children she might bear with another man would be considered illegitimate. Even if she obtains a civil divorce, without a get she is “chained” to her old marriage, hence the term agunah, or “chained woman.”

This situation has led to serious consequences for women whose husbands refuse to grant their wives a get. While a man may be shunned, imprisoned, or in other ways pressured into giving his wife a get, ultimately if he decides to be stubborn about it, the woman is stuck.

The Conservative Movement’s Solution

In the 1950s the Conservative movement’s Rabbinical Assembly attempted to resolve the problem of the agunah by adding a clause to the traditional ketubah text, stipulating that divorce will be adjudicated by a modern Bet Din (rabbinic court). This clause is called “the Lieberman clause,” named after the Talmudic scholar who developed it.

Orthodox Judaism has rejected the Lieberman clause as a violation of Jewish law, but it is still very much in use by the Conservative movement, and rabbis of other streams sometimes require this clause on the ketubah as well.

The Conservative ketubah text, then, is made up of two texts: the traditional Aramaic (Orthodox) ketubah text, plus the Lieberman clause.

So what do these texts actually say? Since you may be signing a document at your wedding with this wording, you may want to know what you’re agreeing to! Here is a translation of the traditional ketubah text:

“On __________ [day of the week], the __________ day of the month __________ in the year __________ since creation of the world, the era according to which we are accustomed to reckon here in the city of __________ how __________ son of __________ said to this virgin/widow/divorcée/convert __________ daughter of __________ ‘Be thou my wife according to the law of Moses and Israel, and I will work for thee, honor, support, and maintain thee in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who work for their wives, honor, support, and maintain them in truth. And I will set aside for thee 200 zuz [traditional money] {for virgins}/100 zuz {for all others}, in lieu of thy virginity, which belong to thee (according to the law of Moses), and thy food, clothing, and necessaries, and live with thee in conjugal relations according to universal custom.’ And __________ this virgin/widow/divorcée/convert consented and became his wife. The dowry that she brought from her father’s house/her own house, in silver, gold, valuables, dresses and bedclothes, amounts to __________ [100 silver pieces {virgin}/50 silver pieces {all others}], and the bridegroom consented to increase this amount from his own property with the sum of __________ [100 silver pieces {virgin}/50 silver pieces {all others}], making in all __________ [200 silver pieces {virgin}/100 silver pieces {all others}]. And thus said __________ the bridegroom, ‘I take upon myself and my heirs after me the responsibility of this marriage contract, of the dowry, and of the additional sum, so that all this shall be paid from the best part of my property, real and personal, that I now possess or may hereafter acquire. All my property, even the mantle on my shoulders, shall be mortgaged for the security of the contract and of the dowry and of the addition made thereto.’ __________ the bridegroom has taken upon himself the responsibility for all the obligations of this ketubah, as is customary with other ketubot made for the daughters of Israel in accordance with the institution of our sages — may their memory be for a blessing! It is not to be regarded as an illusory obligation or as a mere symbolical delivery between __________ son of __________ the bridegroom, and __________ daughter of __________ the virgin/widow/divorcée/convert, and they have employed an instrument legally fit for the purpose to strengthen all that is stated above, and everything is valid and established.”

And here is a translation of the Lieberman clause:

“And in solemn assent to their mutual responsibilities and love, the bridegroom and bride have declared: as evidence to our desire to enable each other to live in accordance with the Jewish law of marriage throughout our lifetime, we, the bride and bridegroom, attach our signatures to this ketubah, and hereby agree to recognize the Bet Din of the Rabbinical Assembly and the Jewish Theological Seminary of America, or its duly appointed representatives, as having authority to council us in the light of Jewish tradition which requires husband and wife to give each other complete love and devotion, and to summon either party at the request of the other, in order to enable the party so requesting to live in accordance with the standards of Jewish law of marriage throughout his or her lifetime. We authorize the Bet Din to impose such terms of compensation as it may see fit for failure to respond to its summons or to carry out its decision.”

If you’re shopping for a ketubah, make sure to check with your rabbi or cantor before you make your selection! Although most Conservative rabbis will require the Conservative text (plus Lieberman clause!), every rabbi is different. One thing is for sure, though: if you get to your wedding and your rabbi decides that your ketubah is not acceptable, you won’t be able to use it! So check first, and have fun shopping!

©copyright Melissa Dinwiddie 2010

If you’re having a Jewish wedding, you’ve no doubt been shopping for a ketubah, or you will be soon. You may have already discovered that there are hundreds of text options available, and choosing the right one for you can be very confusing!

If the officiating rabbi is Orthodox, however, your choices are made quite simple, since an Orthodox rabbi will in almost all cases only accept the traditional Aramaic wording, frequently referred to as the “Orthodox text.” So what is the Orthodox ketubah text? Since it’s written in Aramaic, which you probably don’t read or speak, and few ketubot come with an English translation, the whole thing can seem very opaque! Even if you order an “Orthodox plus English” text, the English will usually be something short and poetic — not a direct translation at all!

So what does the Orthodox ketubah text say anyway?

A little historical background

Originally developed over 2,500 years ago, the ketubah started out as a prenuptial agreement, an attempt to ensure that a woman would have a means of support if her husband should die or divorce her. Although the text was mostly codified in the Middle Ages and hasn’t changed much since then, there are in fact a few minor variations around, so it’s critical that your rabbi sees the actual text that will be used on your ketubah before you purchase it. If one word is spelled differently from the way your rabbi wants it, your ketubah will be rendered un-kosher and you won’t be able to use it at your wedding! Always check with your rabbi first!

There’s nothing poetic or romantic about the traditional Aramaic ketubah text – it is, as mentioned above, quite literally a prenuptial agreement, very dry and legal. Here is a translation.

Traditional Aramaic Orthodox Ketubah Text Translation

“On __________ [day of the week], the __________ day of the month __________ in the year __________ since creation of the world, the era according to which we are accustomed to reckon here in the city of __________ how __________ son of __________ said to this virgin/widow/divorcée/convert __________ daughter of __________ ‘Be thou my wife according to the law of Moses and Israel, and I will work for thee, honor, support, and maintain thee in accordance with the custom of Jewish husbands who work for their wives, honor, support, and maintain them in truth. And I will set aside for thee 200 zuz [traditional money] {for virgins}/100 zuz {for all others}, in lieu of thy virginity, which belong to thee (according to the law of Moses), and thy food, clothing, and necessaries, and live with thee in conjugal relations according to universal custom.’ And __________ this virgin/widow/divorcée/convert consented and became his wife. The dowry that she brought from her father’s house/her own house, in silver, gold, valuables, dresses and bedclothes, amounts to __________ [100 silver pieces {virgin}/50 silver pieces {all others}], and the bridegroom consented to increase this amount from his own property with the sum of __________ [100 silver pieces {virgin}/50 silver pieces {all others}], making in all __________ [200 silver pieces {virgin}/100 silver pieces {all others}]. And thus said
__________ the bridegroom, ‘I take upon myself and my heirs after me the responsibility of this marriage contract, of the dowry, and of the additional sum, so that all this shall be paid from the best part of my property, real and personal, that I now possess or may hereafter acquire. All my property, even the mantle on my shoulders, shall be mortgaged for the security of the contract and of the dowry and of the addition made thereto.’ __________ the bridegroom has taken upon himself the responsibility for all the obligations of this ketubah, as is customary with other ketubot made for the daughters of Israel in accordance with the institution of our sages — may their memory be for a blessing! It is not to be regarded as an illusory obligation or as a mere symbolical delivery between __________ son of __________ the bridegroom, and __________ daughter of __________ the virgin/widow/divorcée/convert, and they have employed an instrument legally fit for the purpose to strengthen all that is stated above, and everything is valid and established.”

What to do with the text

The blank spaces represent places in the text that will be filled in with your personal info (this is what is usually referred to as “fill-in” or “ketubah personalization”). You’ll notice that there are some spots that have some set options. For example, the bride is referred to either as a virgin, widow, divorcée or convert. If this is the bride’s first marriage then she counts as a “virgin” (whether or not she technically is a virgin — don’t worry, nobody’s going to check! — “virgin” being the legal term for a first-time bride 2,500 years ago), and the default amount she is granted on the ketubah is 200 silver pieces: 100 from her father’s property, if he’s still living (the assumption being that the bride is coming from her father’s household to her groom’s household), or her own property if he’s deceased, and 100 from the groom’s property. This total amount now legally belongs to the bride.

If, however, the bride is not a first-time bride, the default amount is decreased to 100 silver pieces: 50 from her father’s property and 50 from the groom’s. Although this may seem quite unfair, the rabbinical reasoning behind the different amounts was that a widow or divorcée would already have money from her previous marriage, and wouldn’t need as much. (It still doesn’t account for the fact that a convert may never have been married before, however!)

(An interesting side note: although nobody knows what a zuz would be worth in today’s money, from the Passover song “Chad Gadya” it is said that 100 zuz would be enough to buy 50 goats: “My father bought for 2 zuzim chad gadya (one little goat).” Presumably 50 or 100 goats would keep a woman in good stead for some time!)

Most Orthodox rabbis will not let you alter the text, but your rabbi may permit you to add to it. This is why it’s not uncommon to find Orthodox ketubot with English wording that is unrelated to the Aramaic. This way a couple can fulfill their rabbi’s requirement for the traditional wording, but also include language that may be more personally meaningful to them. Some couples even choose to get two ketubot: one to fulfill their rabbi’s requirements — their halakhically kosher ketubah, and one to be a special, non-legal but personally meaningful contract between themselves.

Be advised, also, that an Orthodox rabbi may have very strict requirements about how the text can appear on the ketubah. For example, the text may have to be fully justified, left and right, with no ragged edges, and it may need to be in a regular shape, such as a rectangle, square or circle. This is ostensibly to prevent anyone from adding a word without your knowing, thereby changing the content and possibly rendering the ketubah invalid. (The same way you add a squiggly line after the dollar amount when you write a check, to prevent anyone from changing the dollar amount without your consent.)

In summary, always check with your rabbi before you purchase your ketubah, especially if he’s Orthodox!

Have fun ketubah shopping!

©copyright Melissa Dinwiddie 2010

If you’re shopping for a ketubah you may have some questions about the wide variety of texts available. Couples who want something different from the Orthodox Aramaic language have seemingly unlimited options (though you always need check with your rabbi or cantor before choosing your ketubah to make sure you’ll be able to use it at your wedding!) It can be awfully confusing!

In fact, modern ketubah texts tend to fall into three main categories: Reform/Egalitarian, Interfaith, or Same Sex. The variations on these themes are indeed limitless, so shop around to see what you like. Here is a brief explanation of what you can expect to find while ketubah text shopping:

The “Reform” or “Egalitarian” Ketubah

With the rise of Feminism and women’s rights in the 20th Century, many couples wanted a document that was more egalitarian than the traditional ketubah. Rabbis and ketubah artists started writing alternative ketubah texts that treated the wedding couple as equals, rather than as “provider” and “dependent.” In these modern, “egalitarian” ketubah texts the language is usually more romantic and poetic than dry and legal, often including phrases from the Song of Songs or other poetic sources.

Today almost all ketubah artists and ketubah stores offer texts for Jewish couples looking for this more equal kind of document. This kind of ketubah text is usually referred to as “Reform” (though usually not directly affiliated with the Reform movement) or “Egalitarian.” Most “egalitarian” ketubah texts still retain some of the flavor of the traditional ketubah wording, however, at least in the opening section, often including some variation of the following:

“On the ___ day of the week, the ___ day of the month of ___ in the year ___, [corresponding to {civil date}] in {city, state, country}, the groom ____ and the bride _____ …”

Usually an egalitarian ketubah text also includes some reference to Jewish law or tradition, often phrased in a manner such as “according to the laws and traditions of Moses and the Jewish people.” These egalitarian variations on the ketubah tend, therefore, to be a blend of traditional style, with a modern mindset.

Frequently an egalitarian ketubah contains both English and Hebrew (usually modern Hebrew rather than Biblical Hebrew or Aramaic), though some ketubah artists offer Hebrew-only or English-only versions.

The “Interfaith” Ketubah

For generations the larger Jewish community has commented on the propensity of Jews to marry “out of the faith.” Although it can be challenging for interfaith couples to find a rabbi who is willing to officiate, many ketubah artists embrace and honor interfaith partnerships, and have written texts specifically for interfaith couples.

Since halakha (traditional Jewish law) does not recognize interfaith marriages, an interfaith ketubah can technically say anything at all. However, as with egalitarian ketubot, interfaith ketubah texts tend to retain some of the stylistic flavor of the original language, and frequently open with the same standard formula as above (or some variation thereof). The main difference is that with an interfaith ketubah, one partner is not Jewish, and therefore technically not a follower of the “laws of Moses and Israel,” so language that specifically references “Jewishness” is normally not included. References to Torah are usually left out as well. Other than this, an interfaith ketubah can say anything, as long as the officiating rabbi or cantor (if there is one) personally permits it. (Again, always check first!) If the officiant is not a rabbi or cantor then the only limitations on the ketubah wording are the couple’s personal preferences.

As with egalitarian ketubot, an interfaith ketubah may be in English and Hebrew (usually modern Hebrew), or it may be English- or Hebrew-only.

The Same Sex Ketubah/Lesbian Ketubah/Gay Ketubah

There has been a trend among progressive Jewish movements in the past few decades toward accepting and honoring unions between same-sex couples. Many ketubah artists now offer texts written specifically for gay and lesbian couples. As with interfaith couples, since these unions are not recognized by halakha, there are no “legal” restrictions on the wording allowed. As long as the officiating rabbi accepts the wording (or if the officiant is not a rabbi or cantor), anything goes! Same sex ketubah wording tends to retain the traditional flavor of the original Aramaic, and may be almost identical to interfaith ketubah wording, but will refer to the couple as “equal partners,” or “beloveds,” rather than “bride and groom.”

An interesting note: while in English a same sex text may be entirely gender neutral, Hebrew is a gendered language, which makes a genuinely gender-neutral text impossible. As a result, same sex ketubah texts in Hebrew are always either gendered female or male. And since male is the “default” in Hebrew, as in most gendered languages, a male same sex text may in some cases actually be appropriate for heterosexual couples as well.

Other Categories: Anniversary and Custom Texts

Two other categories that haven’t been mentioned are anniversary ketubah texts and custom ketubah texts.

Some couples never had a ketubah at their wedding, and choose to get an anniversary ketubah sometime later. Since an anniversary ketubah is not a legal document under Jewish law, again, there are no requirements a couple has to follow (unless a rabbi is officiating at a ceremony, in which case always check with him or her first!) Not all ketubah artists offer anniversary texts, but an egalitarian or interfaith ketubah text can often work perfectly well.

Whether for a wedding or anniversary, the final option is to write your own custom wording. Writing your own ketubah text allows you to include personal promises you won’t find in a publically available text (such as “we promise to provide each other love, hugs, and snuggling”). It can also be an incredibly bonding and learning experience to work together on your ketubah text!

If you choose to write your own text and you borrow wording from another author, make sure to obtain copyright permission to use their text! And be sure to give a draft to your rabbi or cantor to make sure it passes muster and you’ll be able to use it at the wedding.

Whatever kind of ketubah text you choose, enjoy the search. And mazel tov!

©copyright Melissa Dinwiddie 2010