If you’re shopping for a ketubah you may have some questions about the wide variety of texts available. Couples who want something different from the Orthodox Aramaic language have seemingly unlimited options (though you always need check with your rabbi or cantor before choosing your ketubah to make sure you’ll be able to use it at your wedding!) It can be awfully confusing!

In fact, modern ketubah texts tend to fall into three main categories: Reform/Egalitarian, Interfaith, or Same Sex. The variations on these themes are indeed limitless, so shop around to see what you like. Here is a brief explanation of what you can expect to find while ketubah text shopping:

The “Reform” or “Egalitarian” Ketubah

With the rise of Feminism and women’s rights in the 20th Century, many couples wanted a document that was more egalitarian than the traditional ketubah. Rabbis and ketubah artists started writing alternative ketubah texts that treated the wedding couple as equals, rather than as “provider” and “dependent.” In these modern, “egalitarian” ketubah texts the language is usually more romantic and poetic than dry and legal, often including phrases from the Song of Songs or other poetic sources.

Today almost all ketubah artists and ketubah stores offer texts for Jewish couples looking for this more equal kind of document. This kind of ketubah text is usually referred to as “Reform” (though usually not directly affiliated with the Reform movement) or “Egalitarian.” Most “egalitarian” ketubah texts still retain some of the flavor of the traditional ketubah wording, however, at least in the opening section, often including some variation of the following:

“On the ___ day of the week, the ___ day of the month of ___ in the year ___, [corresponding to {civil date}] in {city, state, country}, the groom ____ and the bride _____ …”

Usually an egalitarian ketubah text also includes some reference to Jewish law or tradition, often phrased in a manner such as “according to the laws and traditions of Moses and the Jewish people.” These egalitarian variations on the ketubah tend, therefore, to be a blend of traditional style, with a modern mindset.

Frequently an egalitarian ketubah contains both English and Hebrew (usually modern Hebrew rather than Biblical Hebrew or Aramaic), though some ketubah artists offer Hebrew-only or English-only versions.

The “Interfaith” Ketubah

For generations the larger Jewish community has commented on the propensity of Jews to marry “out of the faith.” Although it can be challenging for interfaith couples to find a rabbi who is willing to officiate, many ketubah artists embrace and honor interfaith partnerships, and have written texts specifically for interfaith couples.

Since halakha (traditional Jewish law) does not recognize interfaith marriages, an interfaith ketubah can technically say anything at all. However, as with egalitarian ketubot, interfaith ketubah texts tend to retain some of the stylistic flavor of the original language, and frequently open with the same standard formula as above (or some variation thereof). The main difference is that with an interfaith ketubah, one partner is not Jewish, and therefore technically not a follower of the “laws of Moses and Israel,” so language that specifically references “Jewishness” is normally not included. References to Torah are usually left out as well. Other than this, an interfaith ketubah can say anything, as long as the officiating rabbi or cantor (if there is one) personally permits it. (Again, always check first!) If the officiant is not a rabbi or cantor then the only limitations on the ketubah wording are the couple’s personal preferences.

As with egalitarian ketubot, an interfaith ketubah may be in English and Hebrew (usually modern Hebrew), or it may be English- or Hebrew-only.

The Same Sex Ketubah/Lesbian Ketubah/Gay Ketubah

There has been a trend among progressive Jewish movements in the past few decades toward accepting and honoring unions between same-sex couples. Many ketubah artists now offer texts written specifically for gay and lesbian couples. As with interfaith couples, since these unions are not recognized by halakha, there are no “legal” restrictions on the wording allowed. As long as the officiating rabbi accepts the wording (or if the officiant is not a rabbi or cantor), anything goes! Same sex ketubah wording tends to retain the traditional flavor of the original Aramaic, and may be almost identical to interfaith ketubah wording, but will refer to the couple as “equal partners,” or “beloveds,” rather than “bride and groom.”

An interesting note: while in English a same sex text may be entirely gender neutral, Hebrew is a gendered language, which makes a genuinely gender-neutral text impossible. As a result, same sex ketubah texts in Hebrew are always either gendered female or male. And since male is the “default” in Hebrew, as in most gendered languages, a male same sex text may in some cases actually be appropriate for heterosexual couples as well.

Other Categories: Anniversary and Custom Texts

Two other categories that haven’t been mentioned are anniversary ketubah texts and custom ketubah texts.

Some couples never had a ketubah at their wedding, and choose to get an anniversary ketubah sometime later. Since an anniversary ketubah is not a legal document under Jewish law, again, there are no requirements a couple has to follow (unless a rabbi is officiating at a ceremony, in which case always check with him or her first!) Not all ketubah artists offer anniversary texts, but an egalitarian or interfaith ketubah text can often work perfectly well.

Whether for a wedding or anniversary, the final option is to write your own custom wording. Writing your own ketubah text allows you to include personal promises you won’t find in a publically available text (such as “we promise to provide each other love, hugs, and snuggling”). It can also be an incredibly bonding and learning experience to work together on your ketubah text!

If you choose to write your own text and you borrow wording from another author, make sure to obtain copyright permission to use their text! And be sure to give a draft to your rabbi or cantor to make sure it passes muster and you’ll be able to use it at the wedding.

Whatever kind of ketubah text you choose, enjoy the search. And mazel tov!

©copyright Melissa Dinwiddie 2010

The Beginnings of the Ketubah

Sometime over 2,500 years ago the rabbis in charge of Jewish law decided that married women needed some way to count on a livelihood in case of divorce or widowhood. The ketubah, or Jewish marriage contract, was developed as just such a protection, and persists today as a long-standing Jewish wedding custom.

Written in Aramaic (the colloquial and legal form of Hebrew at the time the ketubah was developed) and signed by two witnesses prior to the wedding, a traditional ketubah outlines the groom’s obligations to his bride, and specifies a certain amount of property that the groom brings the marriage, along with an equal amount of property from the bride’s family, that now belongs to the bride. From the Talmud we learn that the intention of this document was to make it “more difficult” for a man to “put aside” his wife, and to ensure that if he did leave her she would have resources to survive.

Judaism has a precept known as hiddur mitzvah (lit. “beautification of the commandment”) that says that if an object is required for ritual purposes it is a good thing to make it as beautiful as possible. As a result, it became customary for the ketubah (which is at its core not a romantic document at all, but a a dry, legal document — a prenuptial agreement) to be decorated as a work of art. Illuminated ketubot have been found from as early as 1100 C.E.

Modern Developments

As Judaism evolved in the 19th, 20th and 21st Centuries, and movements of modern Jews dispensed with halakha (Jewish law), the ketubah was one tradition that carried on, though in greatly modified form. Orthodox Jews still use the traditional Aramaic prenuptial agreement wording, which was largely codified in the Middle Ages, but modern variations have been developed by modern streams of Judaism, as well as adapted for use by interfaith, same sex, and even non-Jewish couples.

The Reform movement in Judaism eliminated many Jewish traditions, and some Reform rabbis dispensed with the ketubah altogether. But the idea of a wedding document that’s also a beautiful work of art holds enormous appeal, and after some decades of falling out of favor the ketubah has made an enormous comeback, starting slowly in the 70s, and veritably exploding in the 2000s! In fact, the ketubah is now so popular that it enjoys almost universal use by Jews of all stripes — from the most traditional Jews, to Reform, secular Humanist, and unaffiliated Jews — along with couples historically shut out from Jewish traditions. It’s now an easy matter for any couple to find an interfaith ketubah, a same sex ketubah, or even a gentile ketubah!

Whether traditional or modern, the ketubah remains one of the most beloved elements of a Jewish wedding ceremony.

©copyright Melissa Dinwiddie 2010